How Do I Talk to My Child About Eating Concerns Without Making It Worse?

A guide for parents who are worried about saying the wrong thing

Many parents notice changes in their child’s eating long before anyone mentions an eating disorder. What often stops them from speaking up is fear.

Fear of:

• Making things worse

• Causing defensiveness or withdrawal

• Putting ideas into their child’s head

• Damaging trust

  
  

This article focuses on how to talk, not what to diagnose. Small changes in language and timing can make a significant difference.

First: conversations about eating are emotionally loaded

For children and teenagers, eating is rarely just about food. It is often tied to:

• Control and safety

• Anxiety or sensory overwhelm

• Identity and independence

• Shame or fear of being judged

  
  

A well-intended conversation can feel threatening if it comes across as confrontational, corrective, or focused on outcomes.

What often makes conversations harder

Parents commonly fall into patterns that increase distress, even when motivated by care.

These include:

• Starting the conversation at the table or during conflict

• Focusing on food quantity, weight, or appearance

• Asking repeated “why” questions

• Presenting concern as urgency or fear

• Trying to persuade, reason, or correct

  
  

When a child feels scrutinised, they are more likely to shut down or minimise.

Choosing the right moment matters

Conversations tend to go better when:

• They are not happening during meals

• Emotions are relatively settled

• Time pressure is low

• Privacy is respected

  
  

Neutral moments often feel safer than “important talks”.

How to open the conversation safely

Starting points that tend to reduce defensiveness focus on experience rather than behaviour.

Examples include:

• “I’ve noticed meals seem harder lately. I wanted to check how things feel for you.”

• “I’m not here to make you eat. I just want to understand what it’s like for you.”

• “You don’t have to explain everything right now. I just want you to know I’m listening.”

  
  

Avoid opening with conclusions or labels.

Focus on listening, not fixing

Parents often feel pressure to act quickly. However, the first conversation is about understanding, not solving.

Helpful responses include:

• Reflecting what you hear rather than challenging it

• Allowing silence without filling it

• Accepting that your child may not have clear answers

• Staying curious rather than corrective

  
  

Feeling heard reduces the need to defend.

If your child denies any problem

Denial does not always mean dishonesty. It may reflect:

• Fear of consequences

• Difficulty putting feelings into words

• A genuine lack of insight

  
  

You do not need agreement to keep the door open.

You can say:

• “That’s okay. I’m still glad we talked.”

• “If things change, we can revisit this.”

  
  

Keeping communication open is more important than immediate acknowledgement.

What to avoid saying (even unintentionally)

Certain phrases, though common, often increase shame or resistance:

• “You need to eat more.”

• “You’re worrying us.”

• “You don’t look unwell.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “This can’t continue.”

  
  

These focus on outcomes rather than experience.

For parents of neurodivergent children

Autistic or ADHD children may:

• Find emotional conversations overwhelming

• Struggle with open-ended questions

• Respond better to clear, predictable language

  
  

Short, concrete conversations spaced over time are often more effective than one intense discussion.

When conversation alone is not enough

Talking is important, but it does not replace professional support when:

• Eating is becoming increasingly restricted

• Distress is escalating

• Health or growth is affected

• Communication becomes blocked

  
  

Seeking advice does not mean you have failed to communicate well.

How assessment can support conversations

An assessment can:

• Take pressure off the parent-child relationship

• Provide a neutral space for discussion

• Help clarify what support is needed

• Reduce fear of being misunderstood

  
  

Assessment is about understanding, not forcing treatment.

How we support families

At The Eating Disorders Clinic, we work with parents to:

• Navigate difficult conversations

• Reduce blame and conflict

• Understand what may be driving eating difficulties

• Decide on appropriate next steps

  
  

Our approach is calm, assessment-led, and neurodiversity-informed.

A gentle next step

If you are worried about how to talk to your child about eating concerns, you are welcome to book a free initial call to talk things through.

You may also wish to review our website before making any decisions