What Should I Do If My Child Refuses to Eat?

A calm, practical guide for parents facing food refusal

Few things are more distressing for a parent than watching their child refuse food. Mealtimes can quickly become tense, emotional, and exhausting, especially when refusal is persistent rather than occasional.

This article aims to help parents understand why food refusal happens, what responses tend to help, what can unintentionally make things harder, and when it may be time to seek professional advice.

First, food refusal is not always defiance

It is natural to interpret food refusal as stubbornness, control, or oppositional behaviour. In reality, many children refuse food because eating feels unsafe, overwhelming, or distressing to them.

Refusal is often a communication, not a challenge.

Common reasons children refuse to eat

Food refusal can arise from several overlapping factors.

Anxiety and fear

Some children experience fear related to:

• Choking or vomiting

• Feeling full or uncomfortable

• Losing control

• Eating in front of others

  
  

This fear can trigger a strong avoidance response, even when the child wants to eat.

Sensory sensitivities

Texture, smell, temperature, and appearance can feel overwhelming, particularly for neurodivergent children. What looks like “being picky” may be a genuine sensory discomfort.

Loss of appetite or internal cues

Stress, illness, emotional overload, or disrupted routines can affect appetite and hunger awareness.

Emerging eating disorders or ARFID

Persistent refusal, increasing restriction, or distress around food may be part of an eating disorder or avoidant/restrictive presentation, especially when patterns escalate over time.

What tends to help in the moment

When a child refuses to eat, the goal is to reduce distress, not force intake at all costs.

Helpful approaches often include:

• Keeping mealtimes predictable and calm

• Offering familiar “safe” foods alongside others

• Allowing the child to decide how much they eat

• Using neutral language rather than persuasion

• Staying emotionally present without pressure

  
  

Safety and trust matter more than finishing a plate.

What often makes things harder (even when well-intended)

Parents understandably try everything to help their child eat. Some responses, however, can increase anxiety over time.

These include:

• Repeatedly coaxing, pleading, or bargaining

• Threats, punishments, or consequences linked to eating

• Power struggles at the table

• Excessive monitoring or commentary on intake

• Removing all preferred foods to “encourage hunger”

  
  

These approaches can reinforce fear and avoidance rather than resolve them.

“But they need to eat” – balancing urgency and safety

Parents are often caught between:

• Fear for their child’s health

• Fear of making things worse

  
  

If refusal is occasional or short-lived, gentle support may be enough. If refusal is persistent, escalating, or affecting health, professional guidance is important so that safety is managed without increasing distress.

When food refusal may be a sign of something more

It may be time to seek advice if:

• Refusal is ongoing rather than episodic

• The range of accepted foods is shrinking

• Mealtimes cause panic, shutdown, or conflict

• Weight, growth, or energy levels are affected

• Avoidance spreads to social situations

  
  

Early assessment helps clarify what is driving the refusal.

For parents: you are not causing this

Many parents blame themselves when their child refuses to eat.

Food refusal is rarely caused by parenting style. It is usually the result of an interaction between temperament, anxiety, sensory processing, and life stressors.

Support works best when parents are supported too.

How assessment can help

An assessment can:

• Identify whether refusal is anxiety-based, sensory, or eating-disorder related

• Reduce uncertainty and self-blame

• Guide proportionate next steps

• Prevent escalation

  
  

Assessment does not mean your child will be forced into treatment.

How we support families

At The Eating Disorders Clinic, we support families where children refuse food by:

• Understanding the underlying drivers

• Offering calm, structured assessment

• Providing guidance that reduces pressure and conflict

• Working in a neurodiversity-informed way

  
  

Support is tailored, not one-size-fits-all.

A gentle next step

If your child is refusing to eat and you are unsure what to do next, you are welcome to book a free initial call to talk things through.

You may also wish to review our website before deciding on any assessment or support